The Lessons I Learned As An International Spy

BURN NOTICE – FIGHTING FOR SURVIVAL

The year is classified and I am sitting outside at one of my favorite haunts in the exotic cosmopolitan city of classified. It is a place where I do much of my research on my laptop on their Wi-Fi, while I sometimes enjoy one of my guilty pleasures – a slice of pizza, along with a basket of Hot Wings & salad. As a man who has enjoyed many pleasures in life, this slice of pizza is the only one I slightly lament.

It is a beautiful Spring day, the sun is shining, the birds are singing, cherry blossoms pulled from their branches from a gentle warm wind are floating about, and women of every age from all around the world are walking about in short skirts showing nicely muscled tanned legs. 

Normally, such a day in this wonderful setting would have me feeling on top of the world; but today, I am feeling bittersweet nostalgia and more than a measure of dread. You see… another friend I have known since my youth has passed away; his untimely demise happened under mysterious circumstances.

Regardless of how or why he died, he is gone, and I am left with only memories of the adventures we shared and the hardships we have both overcome. He is not the only friend or loved one who is no longer around – the years have taken their toll, and the ‘Grim Reaper’ has been very busy – stripping from my life, practically everyone I have loved.

I sit and eat, barely tasting my food, and I ponder where my life has gone; what I am currently facing, and wondering how soon an agent of death will visit me.

I have decided that today, instead of doing my usual research and consulting on my laptop, I feel this instinctual urge to gather all the information regarding my life, and the lives of my friends, family & the other agents I worked with in various government sectors – everyone – dead or alive.

Some people who don’t know the life I have lived would ask why I feel so compelled to do this.

One reason is that though I have engaged in a lot of personal investment in the public sector, the great bulk of my work life has been in the government sector where secrets abound; I know because I have been a part of such secrets – helping to provide services of collecting intel, ‘Wet Work’ and other skills in the service of – as my government handlers like to call it for ‘God & Country’ – was part-n-parcel of doing my job.

I was hired & trained to help various government agencies & organizations around the globe to eradicate waste along with innumerable ‘Bad Actors’ who were working on behalf of their own goals – no matter at what expense to their countries.

A lot of what I was required to do out of necessity has been kept in the shadows.

But there are a lot of secrets that must be exposed or used to leverage certain government agencies & organizations around the world.

Why?

Because I have uncovered ‘Bad Actors’ & moles within the administrations I discovered are corrupt.

They are bought and paid for by even more shadowy figures – to whom they served as double agents.

Some of these corrupt people even serve as secret agents who will give their souls to the highest bidder by innumerable people who are employees of various agencies, organizations, special interest groups, corrupt politicians and international corporations, traffickers of uncountable illicit goods & services, and even terrorists.

Anyone reading this who knew of my current situation would likely ask, “Why do you care? You are retired from government service with a very healthy pension. Why don’t you just keep your head down, and live out the rest of your life as quietly as possible – after all… you are old and don’t have much longer for this Earth?”

I care because of the necessity of my survival.

Not just for my survival, but the necessity of being able to thrive with enough resources to be useful not just to myself, but to the few people that I love who are still alive. And finally, to keep all the things I strove for, the innumerable times I have put my life on the line for – during my forty-five years of government service – of being undone.

I have always been endowed with an overarching sense of loyalty; to my friends, my family, my cherished relationships with so many women – both past and present; to my country of origin; to the other countries where I have citizenship, to humanity as a whole – despite the shortcomings of my species.

My loyalty and my heightened sense of justice & fair play also extend to the agencies I once worked for and cherished. I am one of those soldiers who cannot bear to leave a fellow combatant behind.

I cannot bear to think of the soldiers I have never met who work for those agencies – I feel a kinship to them the way anyone who formerly served in the military feels for the troops around the globe fighting for justice & freedom at the risk of their own lives and well-being. That is how I regard those agents I have never met.

I am filled with hatred to know that in the past few decades, there are many administrators & hair-brained bean-counters – who, almost exclusively have not put their lives on the line – and the few that did – sold out very early in their careers to play it safe. It is these paper-pushing men & women I feel the most hatred for – because of their willingness to use the brave souls who put their lives on the line throughout their careers while considering the brave soldiers under their watch as nothing more than cannon fodder, expendable pawns, and their deaths as requisite collateral damage.

During the past fifteen years, I have become aware that many of my former soldiers-in-arms have been hung out to dry, they have been burned without notice or the courtesy of a pink slip.

I have to laugh when I see spy shows on HBO, Netflix, and other free streaming services that dispense information about the lives of spies, and the spy game in general. While there is certainly some truth, there are a lot of misconceptions, or falsehoods made available for consumption to the general public; the purpose of inspiring the imaginations of people who live humdrum lives.

The consumers of such movies would be astounded to learn that a few key people in the movie industry have been some of the most notorious spies during their youth.

During their years as spies, they have amassed great fortunes by getting handsomely paid unbelievable commissions to broker all sorts of deals during the ‘Cold War’ some legit, while the maneuvers of vast funds were shuffled around with the use of offshore ‘Shells’ to game fortunes paid – in a ‘now you see it, now you don’t, that may at best considered dubious grey areas – and I will leave it at that.

Some of these Key people in the movie industry had funded their initial start in films from the money they amassed as spies or double agents. Some of them used the billions they have made in the global market to fund various groups that are fronts for activities that make what little hair I have on my crown stand upright in terror for humanity. Many of these savvy ex-spies expect a return on such investments, so they can reinvest in their latest movie projects, and so the wheel continues to turn.

One man in particular a famous movie producer and actor has made over one hundred & fifty big-name films which were distributed worldwide – most of which were wildly successful blockbusters.

He is one of the only producers who were former spies that has gone public to this fact – although, this info would have come out anyway. He decided to get ahead of the story to dispense his narrative.

A lot of people – especially those prone to conspiracies from the flimsiest evidence or half-baked theories believe such people always stay in the game, and that they have evil agendas.

In their defense, because I have been in the game – despite not producing any blockbusters – if you don’t count a handful of block parties I hosted that got entirely out of control – I was a true patriot who painted within the lines.

That is just how I was indoctrinated from birth and during my time in service.

But the fact is, there are conspiracies, and to make matters worse, there are sometimes innumerable intrigues & plots within just one singular conspiracy. If anyone out there believes that this assertion is a half-baked conspiracy from an old beat-up wackadoodle, I say, just look around you.

All things considered; I suggest that anyone who is known as a former spy should be given the benefit of the doubt that what they had done – what I had done – was for purely patriotic reasons to protect their country from very bad people. I suggest you don’t simply assume that all self-professed former spies are still spying and up to no good. For instance, the top movie producer I speak of, says he used to be a spy. However, to be frank, if he is still a spy, that is something he would be required to denounce – if for no other reason than his survival.

Regardless, in addition to this man, I know of other producers being funded to produce films to conduct social engineering on humanity – which takes on many forms with many strategies of dispersion.  Many of them have invested in newspapers, radio & TV stations – particularly, but not exclusively public access radio and TV.

They have been investing heavily in social media platforms and have a lot of influence in politics across the board with their main instrument – their vast wealth. Of course, they are not the only species of multimillionaires and billionaires doing this, but they are certainly in the game.

So, getting back to the TV series, ‘Burn Notice’; this show has everyone believing that if a spy cannot be trusted or needs to be kicked to the unemployment line – he or she will learn that they have been burned.

They are not given a ‘Burn Notice’ apprising them to find another job. They do not learn of this directly from… let us say ‘M’, ‘Q’, or even Miss Moneypenny, they don’t even learn this from their HR department.

Just like in the show, they learn of this when they cannot access any of their bank accounts – or a least those that are known. Their credit cards are no longer useful – no matter what level of standing they have earned, or how many frequent flyer miles they have piled up – even these are no longer accessible.

They will learn that all of their passports are no longer useful, and there have been alerts to various law enforcement agencies that the spy that has been burned is forbidden to leave the country they are trapped in.

In the United States, Homeland Security, the Department of Immigration, The Department of Justice, Customs, also the Border Patrol or ICE have all been alerted to keep you in the country. Any license or documents giving the burned spy the right to possess firearms are stripped from them. Their driver’s license becomes null & void. Their Social Security number and Birth Certificate will be wiped. All school records and medical records will be wiped.

Military records and any VA benefit you may have wiped. If they have any records of you anywhere, they are likely wiped. Even the IRS will not have any records on you – well at least that is one blessing out of the shite heap pile of a mess the burned spies’ lives had become. The most obvious communication that they may receive is on their cell phone that springs up an alert “YOU’VE BEEN BURNED!” The cell phone becomes unusable, serving only to keep track of the disavowed spy. Invariably such alerts are from an I.T. guy working for the agency as a bit of high jinx. Essentially, Burned spies become Persona no grata.

All the intelligence agencies around the world and many terrorist groups will know about burned spies.

These intelligence agencies – at least the one in the country you are trapped in will often be keeping tabs on the disenfranchised spy – such as the CIA, NSA FBI – the fourteen other intel agencies – the ones most Americans know about, and the numerous black money ones they don’t know about – all of them.

Every country has such departments and agencies to keep a burned spy trapped in their country and without resources. Since 9/11 buses, trains, planes, and even taxis demand a credit card and ID, leaving you with less ability to navigate through life than an undocumented illegal alien.

The burned agent will learn that their pension; their 401K, their health benefits, and their dental plan evaporated from existence.

They have no access to legal representation, or appeals, not even their unions will help them.

(Yes, even spies often work for agencies that have a union of sorts to advocate on behalf of a disgruntled spy. Rarely used by spies, mostly set up for the employees of such agencies who work as support staff, i.e., secretaries, analysts, IT specialists, engineers, janitors, et cetera.

These unions are not publicly known for obvious reasons, and they are not affiliated with the Teamsters, AFSCME, SEIU, or any of the known public and government unions – although the inhouse unions of intelligence agencies have an overpowering influence on ALL the unions around the globe).

Burned spies will learn that they are barred from doing any government job, from the local dogcatcher on up, to all other positions in any public sector. Alerts to any business in the private sector that uses databases to check on potential employees will bar the burned spy as a person not to be trusted.

Who can such spies turn to for aid & support?

What about friends & family?

Not likely. Spies don’t have many friends or close family.

Most have been orphaned or a minority, such as me, come from such dysfunctional families that they ran away at a young age to join the Marine Corps, the French Foreign Legion, a band of gypsies or carnies, or any sort of life as far away from their origins as possible.

If they had managed to still have family or some contact with childhood friends – the burned spy learns they have been gotten to, threatened, or they have been compromised – by crimes & misdemeanors they may have broken or embarrassing social sins they have committed.

Hitchhiking around the country like a fugitive and working under the table is your only option. The problem with the last option is that invariably, you will encounter someone – likely law enforcement who will demand ID – especially if they are investigating any crime, and they think there is the slimmest chance you may be involved. The final result is often incarceration – sometimes held in Black Ops Private Prisons of undisclosed locations. These prisons make GITMO seem like The Ritz by comparison.

The last option for survival for these unanchored agents is the possibility they can acquire employment with enemy spy agencies, terrorist organizations, mercenaries for warlords, or even by law enforcement as an asset to exploit – like a low-level C.I. Generally, these men and women have to be morally flexible. They are never fully trusted, but regardless they end up being someone’s bitch kept on a short lease.

Usually, such spies deserved to be burned. Although, as corruption has increased dramatically since the sixties, a lot of spies have been caught between the machinations of ‘interoffice’ politics of their agency, or the various agencies that often collaborate. These days, I see more spies become the victims of collateral damage – in my opinion usually something that did not have to occur. I was such a spy.

The spies that deserve to be burned should just be imprisoned in the most dangerous prison in the world or forced to work for the United States Postal Service – of course, the only positions they deserved to fill would be that of union officers or a position in lower to mid-management. These two positions are involved with so much intrigue, backstabbing, double-dealing, and irrational behavior, it would shock the most ruthless double agent. They would pray for the more contentiously humane rational atmosphere of Rikers Island.

Nowadays, spies that are Burned may not even know it. Usually, this happens to spies who through intent or accident brought public exposure to them and their agency. I was such a spy.

It usually happens to retired spies, who intentionally or without their knowledge caused some bureaucrats in their intel agency to harbor a grudge against them. These former spies are ‘Burned’ in an unconventional manner.

They don’t have all of their resources or identities stripped away from them immediately.

Mysterious obstacles seem to crop up in front of them – keeping them from personally prospering in so many facets of life. Little irritation things sporadically in the life of a former spy who has been put on someone’s bad list.

Your passport may be occasionally, inexplicably flagged, at an airport – be it in the U.S. or some dismal places like Istanbul Turkey, where Customs agents always eager to perform cavity searches will give you a private viewing of ‘Midnight Express’. Sure, such ‘accidents’ are usually resolved – but this can prove to be a real pain in the ass.

Although, I suppose for some people such incidents are a good way to connect with new friends.

The same goes for your driver’s license as well. For instance, you go into a DMV to get your license renewed only to learn there is a hold on your license. Traffic patrolmen out of the blue will see that your plates are marked as suspicious relating to some crime. A hundred and one things that come up to bugger your day. All of which get resolved after much hassle. But it does not stop there.

Suddenly, many a former spy will have all sorts of sketchy people come into their lives, at the gym where they learn some of these new ‘friends’ are smuggling and distributing steroids and other illicit drugs, and photos of them covertly taken by a government spook and these men sharing machines to implicate a burned spy as a person of suspicion. Other people are involved with low-level prostitution, fraud, drug use, theft, et cetera.

Even going to church to help a God-fearing Pastor with a food drive can have you put on a terrorist watch list, the same if you happen to accept an invitation to a PTA meeting where parents are pissed about their children being groomed.

There are those occasions when banks make mistakes – often not in your favor causing important business transactions not to go through, or sometimes massive amounts of money had been wired into your account from God knows who – then you are under suspicion for money laundering.

Once again, all these things have been resolved, but not without a lot of bullshite.

The irritation when your computer, or worse your business website has been hacked and held hostage for ransom.

It was troubling when using the computer to reach out to people who could look into such matters and suddenly, the computer mysteriously crashes, or when my emails are blocked or mail from key people don’t make it to me, the same with my cell phone. Hmm.

What does a former spy do when they learn they are on databases within every intelligence agency; all the Federal law enforcement agencies and not from anything to do with the years served as a spy, but as a private citizen as a person who must be watched for suspicion or one sketchy alleged activity or another.

The least dramatic offense, but, the most insidious are the cowardly digital assassins and hired trolls who have been paid low wages by government spooks to assassinate the characters of their targets by agencies who convince soy boys and ‘Call of Duty’ freaks – those incels who still live in their mother’s basement are told they are covert agents for covert intel agencies.

Many people would scoff at all this, and this grieves me sorely; because such ignorance will surely put them in bondage. Especially when as an insider, I know such things happen habitually even to the most common law-abiding citizen. With the advent of the Internet, much of what I share is public. All anyone has to do is look up Edward Snowden, Chelsea Manning, Julian Assange, and an entire list of whistleblowers of the CIA, NSA, FBI, DOJ – whistleblowers within every alphabet agency available. This is not just a problem in the U.S., but a problem in every country in the world.

These agencies have captured all of the social media outlets using many hacking tools to input propaganda regarding individuals, and organizations, and also harvesting any information of their targets from these social platforms.

Yes, I am a spy who has been Burned in the most cowardly manner. I have been ghosted, shadow-banned, canceled, doxed, and outright banned and censored. I have managed to deal with this better than most of my former colleagues. Though I was considered to be one of my agency’s top agents, showing great promise of becoming one of their ‘Golden Boys’, the head people in the agency had their hands tied and the dirty politics employed by other agencies and legislators proved too much for them to back me up.

There were a few years when I was disavowed; when this began to go down I engaged in spying on certain corrupt people within my agency, other agencies involved as well as some legislators. Certain bad actors were looking to set me up to be Burned in the worst manner possible, leaving me without an income or a pension; seeking to strip me of all resources to be able to navigate even at the lowest level that afforded the most common unskilled citizen.

I managed to learn how they were compromised, and how best to leverage my way back into service until I was ready to retire – for this, there is a list of people who have not forgiven me and have bitterly held on to their grudges.

After I retired, I was hoping to live the quiet life, to make no trouble for anyone, not even my enemies – perhaps even to rekindle a romance with a former love – they have been busy trying to make my life unbearable. This I was able to deal with.

However, when a lot of my former colleagues who were also retired were experiencing some of the same problems as I was as well. They did not protect themselves as well as I had. Over the years, many of my former colleagues died. Some from suicide due to stress. Some died mysteriously, such as a heart attack of one who was in supreme health – the toxicology reports came back with suspicious readings and then the results were lost.

Other former colleagues died, a very few from accident. One was killed by a jealous husband.

Several others allegedly died in strange accidents without leaving a body. I discovered some of these former agents went into the ground, while others went underground. After the last death and no body to be found, a few months later I received a small package with my missing former colleague’s favorite talisman. There was no return address or recognizable postmark, or any message inside. But I believe he sent it to me to let me know he was alive.

During the previous years after experiencing some difficulties that were more than coincidental, and learning of the hardships of the former agents, I decided I would set my sights on eliminating the vipers who held our lives diminished.

A lot of time has passed as I fought to recover my health and regain – hopefully a good measure of my physical performance. One thing was certain, I would have to prepare for war, and I would need allies.

But the first thing I needed to do was to make a complete assessment of my life – both past & present; my strengths & weaknesses, my assets & liabilities.

To Be Continued… PERSONAL ASSESSMENT: WHAT I HAVE LOST & WHAT DO I POSSESS?

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